Augustus Waters died eight days after his prefuneral, at Memorial, in the ICU, when the cancer, which was made of him, finally stopped his heart, which was also made of him. He was with his mom and dad and sisters. His mom called me at three thirty in the morning. I’d known, of course, that he was going. <…> The only person I really wanted to talk to about Augustus Waters’s death was Augustus Waters. My parents stayed in my room forever until it was morning and finally Dad said, “Do you want to be alone?” and I nodded and Mom said, “We’ll be right outside the door,” me thinking, I don’t doubt it. It was unbearable. The whole thing. Every second worse than the last. I just kept thinking about calling him, wondering what would happen, if anyone would answer. In the last weeks, we’d been reduced to spending our time together in recollection, but that was not nothing: The pleasure of remembering had been taken from me, because there was no longer anyone to remember with. It felt like losing your co-rememberer meant losing the memory itself, as if the things we’d done were less real and important than they had been hours before.
If you’re madly in love and you’re treated well, don’t you ever once take it for granted. Don’t you ever once not think you’re lucky because the very second you start to take it for granted is the very second you start to lose it. I think the only way to keep what you have is to know what you have.
I’m loyal in relationships. If I’m your girlfriend, that’s it. I’m practicing to be your wife at that point because I treat it seriously.